He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
