My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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