i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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