Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
