We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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