Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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