somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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