Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Randomize
