I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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