ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
