oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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