OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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