walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
