piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Alive.
So much puke
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
