chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
