Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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