fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
