Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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