Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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