He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
