I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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