the condom got lost in my hair
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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