I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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