my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
