I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize