did you get engaged???
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
