Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
