it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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