did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
