I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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