just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
