im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize