i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
We are two peas in an std pod
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
