im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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