covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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