I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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