I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
