and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
