garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
