You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Randomize
