One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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