Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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