Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
