The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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