i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
