Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
