Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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