My pussy is not your playground.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
