i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i out mim tonsoeep
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
