I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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