If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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