she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
