i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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