Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Found the puke drawer
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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