I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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