Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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