Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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