I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
