ya dads aren't the best wingmen
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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