im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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