I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i believe in u and ur pee
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
