So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
