did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
